Tuesday, 18 September 2012

Student Life | Long Distance Relationships at University

I started university in a relationship with my boyfriend of over two years, and we unfortunately didn't last. The fact is that with a university relationship, there's a lot more effort needed to keep it alive, some manage it and some don't. Many people will say it won't work, but it can and it will if you're both willing to try.

Here's a few tips that can make the long distance a lot easier:

Positivity
If you go in with the view that it's not going to work, it quite simply won't. You've adopted a negative stance on your whole entire relationship and it shows you don't believe in it. Even if you say you're willing to try but you still have little belief it's going to succeed, it's very unlikely that it will, so quite simply, positivity is key.

Trust
You can either sit at home pulling your hair out stressing that your partner is cheating on you, forgetting you or not thinking about you in the slightest, or just trust them. You really need to make sure you trust your partner 100%, don't worry about what they're doing 24/7, because it's unlikely to be anything they shouldn't be, just remember to have a good time and get involved in your new life, but make sure to keep your partner involved in this new life too.

Communication
There are so many forms of communication that you can utilise and this is what you and your partner will always need to keep your relationship going. Now you're away from each other a lot more you'll probably have even more to talk about, so it's worth having some form of communication every week. In this day and age we have more ways to communicate then ever, so you have no excuse not to keep in contact. Though, I would advise to not over-communicate. You'll find that silence over the phone or in Skype is completely different to how it is in person, because in person you can just cuddle up and watch a movie, but with distance you can't. If you talk too often, you'll find yourselves asking 'so what did you have for lunch' on a daily basis, and it may push you apart, because one of you may be thinking that your lack of conversation is due to you no longer having much in common. A lot of the time it's not, it's simply that you only have words to communicate with, rather than physical ways of communication too. 

Visits
Even though you're a student now, you need to keep money aside for visiting your partner and visa versa. If you're both at university, visiting your partner will be just as exciting as when you moved to your university. You'll have new people to meet and get to know, a new place to explore and you'll get to experience how your partner is living when you're not there. Visits are the most important thing to keep the spark alive in your relationship, the time together will be just like it was before you moved to university, but you'll appreciate it even more. If your partner is back at home, remember that they're not experiencing all the excitement you are, especially if they've continued in education near by or a job they already had. Consider them when talking about your new life, and make sure you can involve them as much as possible. But quite importantly, don't let them make you feel bad about having fun. This may sound a little selfish but you're starting a new chapter of your life, as long as you don't leave them behind, you shouldn't feel guilty for getting stuck into this new experience. 

If things don't work out...
...accept it. Long distance relationship are exceedingly hard, and as a student you're meeting new people all the time. Don't listen to someone who says it was bound not to work, because the important thing is that you were both willing to try. Nothing is 'bound to happen' in your relationship as it's unpredictable, and if it ends, don't focus on what you could've done to make it successful, just try to move on.

There may be other things, personal to you and your partner, that will make your relationship work. If you adopt the 'we'll see how it goes' stance, make sure you're not (as some websites and magazines describe this stance) 'on the fence' about it. Saying we'll see how it goes shouldn't mean you're giving yourself the chance to explore other options, it should mean that you're still both 100% committed to your relationship.
MissIsGoode 

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